“Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.”. ~ John Lennon 

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all the years
have settled across my skin
each movement cracks
the caked dust of time
making me slow
as each layer gives way

looking back
I see myself in ignorance
motions fluid
each day a dance
not knowing the complications
of a world filled with knowledge
never completed
always searching

looking forward
the layers increase
creating strata
to tell the tale
of this sad clay creature
always shifting
trying to rid itself of resignation
and begin again
with hope and curiosity
to dance again
as though
the beauty of the movement
was the purpose of life

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in the dark

there were such long gaps
between days of true gratitude
every time one passed
I was more sad and bitter
wondering how I would ever
make it until the next one
I became skilled at going numb
staring blankly
moving when told to
speaking only words expected
never letting myself feel
how truly awful it was
to be smothered by a life
that wasn’t a life at all

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“Each time you judge yourself, you break your heart.”

– Kirpal Venanji (Hindu Monk)

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a challenge
to let the moments
slip on by
to let go of fear
telling me that I might miss
something important
but the truth is
I’ve already missed it
looking down
at this record
without the experience

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woman and child

yesterday I was the woman
competent and confident
following through
without doubt or fear

today I am the child
holding tight to a stuffed animal
crying at the unfairness of it all
how cold the world is
how complicated

tomorrow is unknown
woman or child
I may be either
or both
or neither
the only way to know
is to let it come

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I have the urge
to write everything down
capture it somehow
in a picture
or a few words
making sure to not lose
these important moments
that feel
like they slip by too fast
lost in the swirl of time
but what I’ve really done
is stopped living
and stepped into my mind
where the true experience
is lost
even in the action
of trying to preserve it

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